Choose Connection
It's been around a year ago, although I can't remember the exact date, that Hope was having tons of trouble with her new pointe shoes staying on her feet as she was practicing for the Oklahoma Nutcracker. We tried everything - sewing the elastics in different places, making tucks, even buying a different pair and nothing seemed to be working and she also developed a whole host of blisters, some bleeding, on her feet. One day she had a particularly hard rehearsal where her shoes just wouldn't stay on and she was so disappointed. Her dream was to dance the Nutcracker on pointe and it appeared to be slipping through her fingers. I will never forget that day. We were sitting on the floor of the family room and she was crying her eyes out and saying all sorts of things like she was quitting the Nutcracker and even ballet altogether. She was so very upset and threw her offending pointe shoes across the room.
And that brought me to the crossroads that every parent probably comes to at least once a week if not once or twice or more a day! How was I going to respond? Of course, I wasn't happy she had thrown her shoes, but at the same time I felt deeply her heartbreak over a dream that seemed to be shattering before her eyes. And I made my choice. I chose connection, instead of disconnection. I could have applied a bandaid (go pick up those shoes, young lady) but all it would do would cover a still gaping wound) or I could apply some salve that would heal that gaping wound. I gathered that girl up onto the sofa and did my best to get a girl way taller than me as close to on my lap as possible and I just held her and stroked her hair and patted her back and whispered words of empathy and encouragement as she sobbed and sobbed while holding onto me for what seemed like dear life. In a few moments, the sobs had run their course and she got up and picked up her shoes on her own and went about the rest of the day. Later that night as she was getting ready for bed, she just said very simply, "Thank you, Mom, for what you did for me today." Being on this side of her death, would I trade that experience for anything? No way, not on your life. To be able to have that connection with her so shortly before her death now means everything to me. I know it sounds crazy but that has become one of my best memories. I remember the way it felt to hold her close. So can I encourage you today to choose connection over disconnection? It is incredibly worth it!!
(And in case you are wondering, she got through both Nutcracker performances beautifully and her shoes stayed on by wetting them down and her blisters somewhat healed at least enough that she could dance to her heart's content. I will never forget that huge beam of pride and accomplishment she had on her face at the curtain call, just like she was born to do this).
Yes, connection is worth it.
